The Importance of Communication

This post is something I’ve been trying to work on forever. All my life I’ve been expressive about my views and opinions on public matters and current events, but I’ve struggled with opening up about myself for a long time. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to describe myself, because a lot of what I think is public knowledge, but a LOT isn’t. And I’ve found that that has had a more negative impact on me than I thought.

I always have stories to tell in every kind of conversation, so, naturally, everyone around me thinks I’m talkative and open about my feelings. But there are things I find hard to talk to anybody about because I don’t want to make them feel like my free therapist. And I realize that I’ve been wrong all this time.

People are inclined to help you out, listen to you and give you advice (hopefully, solicited) because it’s basic human nature. I’m open to listening to anybody’s problems, regardless of if they need my advice or if they just need a shoulder. And I should’ve realized that other people around me were open to the same thing, that I didn’t have to bottle up my emotions and deal with them myself. And to top it off, my way of dealing with negative emotions has been to box them away and try not to think about them ever again. The only person I’m hurting here is me because I’m the one who gets bitter when something triggers those emotions to come out of their boxes.

I’m writing this post because, being as transparent with you as I can, Grade 9 and 10 were horrible for me, emotionally. Without going too much into detail, I was hurt by some friends and I decided to ignore the problem instead of face it. I kept my problems to myself and never processed them properly, resulting in unwarranted outbursts, mood swings, breakdowns and a really dark time, where I didn’t want to continue this life. I was angsty, I know. But I also didn’t have the wit to talk to a trusted person about what I was going through. I cried for the better part of 2016 and 17 because I thought I was the only one going through such a crappy situation.

Because of everything that happened then, I became extremely picky about what to tell someone and what to keep to myself, which led to years of unhealed wounds causing me terrible mental and emotional pain, with no one to turn to for help. And while all this was happening, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents, new friends and in general, people around me. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to them and burden them with my troubles.

But finally, one night last week, during a conversation with my mother, I brought up how the incidents from Grade 9 had made it very hard for me to open up to new people and trust them enough to make new friends. And my mother asked exactly what had happened that I felt so troubled by it. I was so hesitant to tell her that she almost dropped the topic, but then I started recounting my tale. I talked about how it started when we moved back to Dubai in 2014 and, because it was summer break, I didn’t have any new friends to talk to. The time difference made it hard to speak to anyone in Toronto on a regular basis, as well. Then I told her about how they (my parents) got busy with work and I felt even more neglected. Then I described my problems in school and we worked through everything I managed to remember about those 2-3 years and when we were done, I felt better and lighter than I had felt in years.

I felt like the weight that had been sitting on my chest for the past five years had been lifted and it had taken most of my anxiety and stress with it. I had finally done what I should have done years ago, and I felt so much better because of it. Since then, I’ve approached two complete strangers on Instagram, going to the same university as me this fall, and I’ve had conversations with them as a way to initiate friendship.

I don’t know if I’d have been able to do that without first sorting through my feelings and emotions. If I had delayed that conversation with my mother, I would have faced trouble making friends when classes in September and then I would worry about never finding someone good enough to trust.

I think right now, with COVID-19 and everything else, it’s essential to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with someone. Having to stay inside with my own thoughts always drives me crazy; it’s why I don’t like summer breaks. Please reach out to someone if you feel the same. Don’t keep your worries to yourself. Chances are, people you know are going through, or have gone through, the same thing and might have a way to help you through it.

This is my way of trying to make sure someone else doesn’t have to go through so much emotional turmoil for no reason. If talking doesn’t help, maybe writing your thoughts down in one place might. I know when I’m overwhelmed, writing about what I’m thinking makes my worries go away for a while – long enough for me to find a way to get rid of them permanently.

Please take care of yourself and your mental health. You are precious and make the world a better place to live in. We need you, and for that, you have to keep yourself sane XD. Reach out to loved ones and make sure they’re doing fine as well. Just a short message asking them to give you a signal is good, too. I told my friend to simply like my message if she’s okay after she said she’s having a hard time keeping up with people right now. That way I’m at peace that she’s alright and there’s barely any interaction. Stay happy, stay home, stay safe. - Aarushi